Being Mean is Easier Than Being Nice, But is it Worth it?

Raging Bully

Image via Wikipedia

A while back I remember a friend and I having a vaguely meaningful conversation between the two of us and my friend said, “I wish I could be like you but being mean seems easier and people can’t really hurt me because they won’t try to get close to hurt me”. I can’t remember my exact words but I know I said something like, “You think it’s easy being ‘nice’? Trust me – it really isn’t as easy as being ‘mean’ either. Some days I would LIKE to give people a piece of my mind, but you know in being ‘Mean’ it doesn’t mean that no one can hurt you. Rather you hurt others and in being mean you only hurt yourself”. I meant what I said and I’d like to expand upon this concept here. Again, my ‘Muse’ left the building so I’m trying my best to relay my ideas, thoughts and feelings as clearly as possible. Please bear with me.

Why does being ‘Mean’ not pay?

It seems easier and these days most people’s’ excuse for being mean is exactly that, it’s easier. But does anyone remember the old adage, that which is easier is not always the most worthwhile? In other words, there is no long-term satisfaction. It is all very brief and we gain very little from the experience. Hence the old adage of – work hard for what you desire in life and you will see that it was all worthwhile in the end. Also, being mean does not pull more people to you who are kind, who have your back, you will love you unconditionally for who you are, all that good stuff and more. Instead, it pushes them away because they don’t want people LIKE you bringing them down. Heck, the good people you’d probably LIKE to have in your life have probably been picked on, ridiculed and have felt the pain of societies STING all their lives. They deserve to be treated with unconditional love, kindness, respect, compassion among other things. People who are mean? Very few people feel sympathy for them. They might feel hate, anger, wrath, or ire. They do not feel ‘love’ more often than not.

Mean Machine Angel faces Judge Dredd

Mean Machine Angel faces Judge Dredd (Photo credit: Walt Jabsco)

I was lucky at a young age I learned NOT to hold grudges or ill will toward those who were my enemies. I learned to try to feel sympathy and ‘open my mind‘ to what I COULD be missing that I can’t see which happens in the lives of my enemies. It’s not always been an easy thing though. But I know the consequences of treating others with disrespect and I KNOW it hurts me when I am mean with complete disregard for my fellow-man or woman. I don’t really want the backlash of something I did the other day, coming back to bite me in the butt later. Trust me, Karma does work. I’ve seen her, know her, have a close personal relationship with her. Being mean? Puts you typically at the TOP of her “To Screw with later” list.

However, ultimately for those of you out there that believe being “Mean” is easier again, you only hurt yourselves. You push potentially ‘Good’ people out of your lives away, no one thinks of you fondly with love in their hearts (or very few do), you will NEVER truly be happy this way either, you will always feel empty and feel like you are trying to fill a void that you can’t find the mortar for. Being ‘Mean’ is just a very hallow, empty and unfulfilled existence. Not to mention miserable.

Performing arts

Performing arts (Photo credit: cynicalview)

On Being Nice

Being Nice? It’s not always easy, let me tell you. Some days, people make it really hard to WANT to be nice. There are days where I’d love nothing more than to tear someone down for being rude, irritating, flat-out mean, obnoxious or otherwise. I’ve met quite a few people in my life like that. Especially ones who were ungrateful. Oh boy! Don’t get me started on THAT one either. So I’m all for NOT getting put at the top of that list. Not to mention, that’s NOT the kind of energy I want to be putting out into the world. Overall though, being Nice isn’t as easy as you think. It takes a LOT of Will, Courage, Self-control & Emotional Control to keep a smile on your lips and your emotions “in-check” to keep from tearing into that person trying to CUT you down for one reason or another. Is it easy? No. Does it sound like a bit of work? Yes; but I assure you it’s worth it when the person gets to the point they have nothing more to say, because they don’t know how to counter your kindness or their lack of ability to get UNDER your skin. :) ;) It’s actually quite HILARIOUS!

This world is pretty hard enough as it is. Sometimes it is cruel, relentless, and sometimes unforgiving. Life is what we make it though, we can make it as easy or as difficult as it needs to be for ourselves. Ultimately we shape the world around us to be what we want it to be. You really want a world of “A-holes” who don’t give a rats-tail about your day? Providing a shoulder for you to cry on when you need it? Having someone tell you, “Oh boo hoo! Cry me a river, build a bridge and get the F**k over it”? If that’s not something you want, than hopefully you see how being mean really has very few benefits to it and is not worth the price of the consequences that trail behind it. Not to mention typically it leaves most people feeling like crap! I know it does when I do and it wasn’t warranted. Believe it or not being ‘mean’ and angry all the time actually exerts more energy than being ‘Nice’ does. So technically, being NICE is easier.

I LAUGH AS YOU HURT

Image via Wikipedia

Tips for Turning Over a New Leaf

I know for some people going the “Nice” route won’t be easy. You’ll need baby-steps to start. Best advice? Try doing ONE random act of kindness a day, great or small. These range from giving that extra bit of change to the person ahead of you for something they wanted to buy, but find when they get to the register they were a bit short – to helping someone carry their groceries to their house or car. There are a number of good deeds you could do to help jump-start the learning of what it truly means and feels to be “Nice” and feel its benefits. Try complimenting people, even complete strangers on something they are wearing, maybe a perfume they have on or perhaps the beauty of their natural elements (hair, eyes, smile, etc).

Get Hurt

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Where Does ‘Nice’ Put Us?

I believe Don Miguel Ruiz said it best in The 4th and The 5th Agreement. I believe being good does put us more in touch with the Divine creator. With source. It helps us to be like the Creator. Personally, that’s where I want to be – like the Creator. I find love to a wonderful sensation. I can only imagine what ‘unconditional love‘ feels like when it is achieved within our own hearts.

Thank you for reading and like always,

~Great blessings, love, light, good fortune and more be yours – Namaste~

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. meghangaze
    Mar 13, 2012 @ 20:34:09

    Thank you for linking up my post :) I like the point you’re making – screaming and losing your temper when people are tampering with that very thin line is so easy, insulting them back when they insult you, or reciprocating their aggressiveness may feel satisfying for those few seconds, but it immediately regrettable. It takes much more energy to remain calm and the ‘better person’ but you definitely reap the rewards in some way, shape or form later on. By the way, I read your about page – my mom is a pagan and had a shop in Portugal where she read tarot cards, we believe we have some kind of matriarchal lineage in that respect ;) Pretty interesting :)

    • Lady Gwendolynn
      Mar 13, 2012 @ 20:44:57

      You’re welcome! When I turned 12 I made an agreement with myself to always try and be “in-control” of my anger, not to let it control me. It’s not been an easy thing but in all honesty, it’s much more satisfying when I know the other reason doesn’t get the reaction they’d like out of me and using my wit to try and ‘outsmart’ someone is so much more fun! lol
      That is pretty cool. I don’t know if I have any special lineage myself. But I feel like I do with how strongly my ancestors blood chants within me to follow the ancient ways. Which I gladly do by choice. I’d like to be offering my services as a Tarot Reader here ‘Online’ via e-mail soon, but I just gotta kick my own ‘fears’ about it out the window first – and empty out the old inbox of the e-mail. lol
      Plus my sister and I are hoping to open a shop in the near future as well for people’s well being in our town. So it’s funny that you mention that because that’s the idea I’m thinking of pursuing – next to writing and finishing my novel. :)

      • meghangaze
        Mar 13, 2012 @ 20:58:02

        Haha I love the very conscious and serious decision at such a young age. I had a bit more trouble with that, all the woman in my family are small but have a temper that makes up for it, and the men, when they were young they had zero control but are now wise old men…but yeah I had to chance in being calm initially. I received a lot of criticism about it, but have been working on it especially since about 7th grade and teachers and everyone said that in the space since I started trying to be calm, I was a different person, so I’ve done so well that now I hardly ever find a good reason to lose my temper. If people scream, shout, insult me…I literally ignore them completely…may put in the odd clever word but showing no reaction has shown the best results, and it feels good afterwards to know that nothing got me riled up no matter what they threw at me, you know?
        Wow…you have GOT to throw those fears away!!! What have you got to lose if you do so? In fact, if you don’t you will regret it and keep thinking about it. If it doesn’t work out, at least you know you tried!! If you do it, let me know about it, I’d love to try and provide moral support if I can. You and your sister opening a shop is such an awesome idea!!!! I love it! In terms of writing and finishing your novel…that is one of my dreams too,but not for the near future, I have too much to learn still. What is yours about? Or don’t want to reveal yet? :D (Would be cool if there was a private message system on wordpress like on livejournal)

  2. Lady Gwendolynn
    Mar 14, 2012 @ 13:25:41

    Not sure you’ll see this Meghangaze, but since the reply button disappeared after that last comment I’m starting a new chain I guess. Hopefully you see this.

    I made many interesting, conscious and rather ‘grown-up’ decisions when growing up. It’s because as a kid I as pretty miserable. I got tired of being angry all the time. I just wanted to know peace and happiness. So through some repetitive mantras and continuous meditation sessions later and a very ‘dead-set’ will on certain goals, I managed to overcome many of my ‘emotional’ obstacles. But I’ve always been VERY sensitive emotionally from the get-go and that has proven one of my greatest challenges. It has taken years to build-up a thick enough ‘armor’ to simply allow things to ‘roll off’ my back and NOT take many things personally. But I’m not perfect and occasionally some people get under my skin – when they do, I try the tactic I mentioned earlier. lol
    Funny you mention the ‘small women’ I’m considered apparently the minority in ‘height’ in the United States I think. I’m 5′ and that makes it difficult to shop sometimes. But I’ve got the ‘Irish’ temper from my father’s side of the family. Takes a LOT to get me ‘furious’ though. Glad it does, being angry as you mentioned DOES take too much energy. :P Oh! That was something I forgot to touch base on! ha!

    Well sadly they are ‘legit’ fears and/or concerns. Internet may have opened the door for almost infinite possibilities, but in doing so it also made us far more vulnerable to identity theft among other things. But I DO need to try and overcome them regardless. After all, Law of Attraction. And even the smallest bit of extra income coming into my life would be nice as I am one of those people a part of that whole group known as the 99%. But I am trying to find work and keep myself preoccupied, sans the protesting. I’ll be sure to let you know if I finally do it. I’m sure I’ll do a Personal Author Update about it.

    Ha! My novel is a Vampire story that’s been with me since High School. Long before Underworld came out or Twilight. So the Vampires are ‘Classic’ in a sense. It’s kind of a memoir of finding one’s self and also showing a “Day in the Night” of a Vampire’s life through their own words and eyes. It’s intended to be like a Self-improvement type of tale as well as instilling very important life lessons. That’s about the most I can share about it though without giving too much away. Even the title I have as a secret. :)

    And even I wish there was a private messaging system sometimes. Would make people either wanting to contact me for one thing or another a bit easier.

    • meghangaze
      Mar 14, 2012 @ 19:39:57

      Hah!! It’s a good thing I decided to quickly check if you answered before I go to sleep! (Yes, its 3.30am here now) I did find it odd I didn’t see a reply, but glad you answered :D
      I am right up there with you on the incredibly sensitive part – I have been working on it as much as I can, being vulnerable to others in that way can also be very destructive. Saying that though, I wouldn’t say that I wish I wasn’t sensitive or emotional – emotions make the world to round, it means we’re passionate about what goes on in our lives rather than being stone cold. I’d choose it any day – just have to deal with its set backs. Haha, if it makes you feel any better I’m 5’2″ so I’m definitely the shortest in any given crowd :P
      Wow..funny you also mentioned Irish…I’m also part Irish because of my dad’s side of the family – my grandfather was Irish!! I’m a bit of a strange mix – South African, Portuguese, Irish and Dutch – I love it though.

      I understand what you mean actually – the Internet is a saviour as well as a real enemy if you don’t know how to protect yourself, and even if you do, you’re still vulnerable in some way. But we do live in a world where Internet is making us (society…or ‘small people’ rather) stronger. If you can do it in a way that doesn’t involve too much risk, then you should go for it. Oh! And I am for SURE, part of that 99% too…its a sad life sometimes :P things never seem easy, but then again…has it ever really been easy? That doesn’t however, change the perception of our reality.

      Well..I love your choice!! I love vampires, and I loved them before Twilight too (but I am a fan of Twilight…I read the books first and fell in love straight away). One of my favourite movies has got to be Interview with a Vampire, but Anne Rice has a few good ones. I like the theme you have, I would be very interested in being one of your readers when you complete your project :D Please do keep your title a secret – that’s yours until you ‘have’ to give it away :) Thank you for sharing that with me, I really appreciate it :)

      • Lady Gwendolynn
        Mar 15, 2012 @ 13:38:25

        What?! 3 in the morning but that’s the BEST time! lol Usually when I find myself finishing up my work or otherwise.
        While I’ve experienced the many set-backs of BEING overly sensitive much like yourself, I definitely say it’s worthwhile. Yes; it was hard to build up my armor, but I rather FEEL intensely than not at all. Even those who are “Armored” have their own cons to being the way they are.
        Honestly I think smaller people have an easier time navigating a crowd. I know when I’d go to Pike Place Market in Seattle, I had the EASIEST time by far navigating and getting around people. But I’m also built like a dancer so that helps as well. Yes; I’m Irish, Scottish and Norse on the father’s side. Might have extra Scottish from Mother’s side as well as Irish. I’m still working on the family tree. That’s been an ongoing project for years. If I had money – I’d be making more headway I know.
        That’s the idea. Try to figure out a way or method that makes me feel comfortable so I can pursue my idea safely. But perhaps it will just require a leap of faith instead.
        As they say, the best things in life are free and even than you should work hard for the things you desire MOST in life, because by far they will be the most rewarding. Unfortunately some people have forgotten that old adage and it kind of breaks my heart to see so many people going, “I want! I deserve though I didn’t rightfully EARN it! Blah blah!”.
        I’ve seen Interview with a Vampire. I never read her books. I like my reads to be a bit more ‘challenging’ in all honesty. Not a bad storyteller though overall. This story predates even Interview though. :) Bram Stoker’s Dracula was my first real vampire novel I read when I was young. So I draw a bit of inspiration from that among other sources that I can’t name for personal reasons.
        I would LOVE to have you as one of my first readers! That would be very awesome! I hope to have a copy of the book for everyone who is a friend or considered family when I do, signed and everything. :3 Oh and the title WILL stay a secret until it is time to share. If you see that meter at the top of the blog, that was for the novel and that’s the “Undercover” title. :3 I plan to update it as I go back to work on it. Again, there will ALSO be Author Updates about it, so keep your eyes peeled!

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