Would I Rather Have the First Word? Or Last?

Solo Scrabble action

Image by just sof via Flickr

Typically when in an argument, so long as I get to “make my case” I’m fine with someone else getting the “First Word” and could absolutely care less if someone gets the “First Word” vs. myself. The “Last Word” on the other hand has been one of those difficult situations I’ve often had to try to mentally and physically pull myself away from when it doesn’t seem like the other person is willing to give up because THEY want the “Last Word” as well. Now there are a few reasons for this and I’ll admit, they are kind of personal and deal with my past experiences, especially with some not so great people I used to know (one in particular stands out), but rest assured – I no longer associate with these people. I’ve moved on to bigger, better, and greener pastures – namely good, loyal, loving, supportive and true friends.

It truly just started with my 1st Ex. Despite he’d never admit it and was in constant denial, he thought VERY highly of himself to the point he was actually narcissistic even though he’d tell you “I am in no way narcissistic.” Often when in arguments it was often over the fact I felt like he was belittling my intelligence or myself in general in some way, because in reality he often did despite his lies of, “You know I wouldn’t be with you if you weren’t intelligent“. He’d convinced himself he was doing NO such thing and that if I couldn’t NAME a particular event or time of my claims – they were all in my head. Which I knew they weren’t. So I’d argue FIERCELY until perhaps I might just “WIN” said argument and to me that was the “Last Word“. Needless to say, I didn’t always win the “Last Word” portion of the argument – but I put in a good effort.

A wordsearch

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Additionally, getting the “Last Word” to me has more to do with the fact – I just want to be right for once, I know I’m right but perhaps I didn’t illustrate my point WELL enough yet, or perhaps there’s a better way to explain what I mean that I haven’t yet hit for the other party. When I was still with this Ex of mine I felt WRONG all the time. That sucked. I felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING without his approval or input which was often negative and detrimental. Eventually I left him because I wised up and realized I didn’t NEED his SORRY ass anymore. That I’d be fine on my own. This was MY experience and I was going to enjoy it to the fullest that I could without his “Dead weight” weighing me down trying to “drown” me in his own self-loathing and need to control his environment.

Overall, I’m Irish/Scots with a good helping of Norse and a dash of a few others for flavor. The important part of that? The Irish/Scots because I’m stubborn as hell and I DON’T throw in the towel very easily if at ALL. If I realize someone is trying to goad me on or otherwise though, I usually wise up and try to be the bigger “Kid” and walk away. However, I do still struggle with being a “master of my emotions” so sometimes I make a “Critical Fail: Self-Control Roll” and well – I think you get the picture.

Hope you enjoyed this little introspection into who I am. 🙂 Does anyone else out there struggle with the “Last Word” or “First Word”?

~Humming hugs, butterfly kisses, and marshmallow wishes be yours and more, Namaste~

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