A while back I remember a friend and I having a vaguely meaningful conversation between the two of us and my friend said, “I wish I could be like you but being mean seems easier and people can’t really hurt me because they won’t try to get close to hurt me”. I can’t remember my exact words but I know I said something like, “You think it’s easy being ‘nice’? Trust me – it really isn’t as easy as being ‘mean’ either. Some days I would LIKE to give people a piece of my mind, but you know in being ‘Mean’ it doesn’t mean that no one can hurt you. Rather you hurt others and in being mean you only hurt yourself”. I meant what I said and I’d like to expand upon this concept here. Again, my ‘Muse’ left the building so I’m trying my best to relay my ideas, thoughts and feelings as clearly as possible. Please bear with me.
Why does being ‘Mean’ not pay?
It seems easier and these days most people’s’ excuse for being mean is exactly that, it’s easier. But does anyone remember the old adage, that which is easier is not always the most worthwhile? In other words, there is no long-term satisfaction. It is all very brief and we gain very little from the experience. Hence the old adage of – work hard for what you desire in life and you will see that it was all worthwhile in the end. Also, being mean does not pull more people to you who are kind, who have your back, you will love you unconditionally for who you are, all that good stuff and more. Instead, it pushes them away because they don’t want people LIKE you bringing them down. Heck, the good people you’d probably LIKE to have in your life have probably been picked on, ridiculed and have felt the pain of societies STING all their lives. They deserve to be treated with unconditional love, kindness, respect, compassion among other things. People who are mean? Very few people feel sympathy for them. They might feel hate, anger, wrath, or ire. They do not feel ‘love’ more often than not.
I was lucky at a young age I learned NOT to hold grudges or ill will toward those who were my enemies. I learned to try to feel sympathy and ‘open my mind‘ to what I COULD be missing that I can’t see which happens in the lives of my enemies. It’s not always been an easy thing though. But I know the consequences of treating others with disrespect and I KNOW it hurts me when I am mean with complete disregard for my fellow-man or woman. I don’t really want the backlash of something I did the other day, coming back to bite me in the butt later. Trust me, Karma does work. I’ve seen her, know her, have a close personal relationship with her. Being mean? Puts you typically at the TOP of her “To Screw with later” list.
However, ultimately for those of you out there that believe being “Mean” is easier again, you only hurt yourselves. You push potentially ‘Good’ people out of your lives away, no one thinks of you fondly with love in their hearts (or very few do), you will NEVER truly be happy this way either, you will always feel empty and feel like you are trying to fill a void that you can’t find the mortar for. Being ‘Mean’ is just a very hallow, empty and unfulfilled existence. Not to mention miserable.
On Being Nice
Being Nice? It’s not always easy, let me tell you. Some days, people make it really hard to WANT to be nice. There are days where I’d love nothing more than to tear someone down for being rude, irritating, flat-out mean, obnoxious or otherwise. I’ve met quite a few people in my life like that. Especially ones who were ungrateful. Oh boy! Don’t get me started on THAT one either. So I’m all for NOT getting put at the top of that list. Not to mention, that’s NOT the kind of energy I want to be putting out into the world. Overall though, being Nice isn’t as easy as you think. It takes a LOT of Will, Courage, Self-control & Emotional Control to keep a smile on your lips and your emotions “in-check” to keep from tearing into that person trying to CUT you down for one reason or another. Is it easy? No. Does it sound like a bit of work? Yes; but I assure you it’s worth it when the person gets to the point they have nothing more to say, because they don’t know how to counter your kindness or their lack of ability to get UNDER your skin. :) ;) It’s actually quite HILARIOUS!
This world is pretty hard enough as it is. Sometimes it is cruel, relentless, and sometimes unforgiving. Life is what we make it though, we can make it as easy or as difficult as it needs to be for ourselves. Ultimately we shape the world around us to be what we want it to be. You really want a world of “A-holes” who don’t give a rats-tail about your day? Providing a shoulder for you to cry on when you need it? Having someone tell you, “Oh boo hoo! Cry me a river, build a bridge and get the F**k over it”? If that’s not something you want, than hopefully you see how being mean really has very few benefits to it and is not worth the price of the consequences that trail behind it. Not to mention typically it leaves most people feeling like crap! I know it does when I do and it wasn’t warranted. Believe it or not being ‘mean’ and angry all the time actually exerts more energy than being ‘Nice’ does. So technically, being NICE is easier.
Tips for Turning Over a New Leaf
I know for some people going the “Nice” route won’t be easy. You’ll need baby-steps to start. Best advice? Try doing ONE random act of kindness a day, great or small. These range from giving that extra bit of change to the person ahead of you for something they wanted to buy, but find when they get to the register they were a bit short – to helping someone carry their groceries to their house or car. There are a number of good deeds you could do to help jump-start the learning of what it truly means and feels to be “Nice” and feel its benefits. Try complimenting people, even complete strangers on something they are wearing, maybe a perfume they have on or perhaps the beauty of their natural elements (hair, eyes, smile, etc).
Where Does ‘Nice’ Put Us?
I believe Don Miguel Ruiz said it best in The 4th and The 5th Agreement. I believe being good does put us more in touch with the Divine creator. With source. It helps us to be like the Creator. Personally, that’s where I want to be – like the Creator. I find love to a wonderful sensation. I can only imagine what ‘unconditional love‘ feels like when it is achieved within our own hearts.
Thank you for reading and like always,
~Great blessings, love, light, good fortune and more be yours – Namaste~
- Forgiveness Is… (becomingabetterwoman.com)
- What Has Happened to People?? (meghangaze.wordpress.com)
- How You Treat Yourself Matters (keystonecounseling.wordpress.com)
- The death of relationships (misslaughingsunshine.wordpress.com)
- Stand Up and Live (freeyoursoulthroughwords.wordpress.com)
- Kindness – Not Just for the Pious (gwendolynndedanaan.wordpress.com)
- To Those in My Life: I Love You, Forgive You, and Ask the Same of You. (theroadtomyselfmemoir.wordpress.com)
- Treating others the way you want to be treated… (armyliving13.wordpress.com)