In light of some recent events – I feel like I have enough to work with to finally write this up and publish it thanks to a special muse. It isn’t my old muse. It’s a new one.
An online friend I chat with now and again once told me Psychology can be interesting and fun, but they remarked upon the fact that some of the higher levels of Psychological study, such as social/physical cues when others lie, can be pretty tough to handle and deal with on a daily basis. He understood how the ignorance of not knowing what he does now, could be considered bliss.
When we don’t know those we love or otherwise are lying to us – than there is no real suffering or pain, until perhaps the truth, whatever it may be, is revealed. But if you knew every time someone lied to you, how would that make you feel? Some people believe lying is NOT a natural thing at all, that in fact only humans do it but why? Thing of it is – lying IS a natural instinct. We have only to look to nature in all her splendor to see how it is. There are some types of moths or butterfly for instance that have certain types of patterns on their wings to help them nearly become invisible to the naked of eye of predators, by making them appear to be a face of another animal, a leaf, or something else entirely. There are even more animals out there whose fur changes colors as the seasons change to better blend-in with their surroundings during the winter or spring. It’s a type of deception that is for survival.
So why than do human beings feel the need to lie? There are a number of reasons; some of which are selfish and those lies do more harm than good ending up getting people hurt or killed in some way shape or form. Than there are the lies we tell those we love very dearly and deeply. Why? Perhaps it is because we want to protect them, because we are uncertain they can handle – our truth – or the truth of the world. These could come in the form of “half-truths” or even “white lies”. We convince ourselves – it’s okay and that maybe even someday we will tell them the truth – when they are ready. Some DO eventually come clean. Others – don’t – because they often let their fears stand in the way. And than there are the lies we tell – to protect not just the ones we care about most – but ourselves as well – again – because of worry, doubts and fears.
A close friend of mine had a recent encounter with a similar situation. They were trying to get to know two different people. Person A they REALLY weren’t sure of and never should have trusted to start. Person B was someone they had already invested quite a bit into as far as their friendship went. Though Person B meant a lot to my friend Person B had some personality traits that made them seem – difficult to pin-point if they were the type of person to lash out and hurt said friend, possibly breaking their heart in a manner of speaking, or was the type of person that no matter what – would always be willing to talk things out. So my friend was a bit nervous to trust this person despite intuition didn’t say, “Don’t trust this person”. But because of what they had saw in regards to Person B’s behavior – they let their worries, doubts and fears cloud their judgement.
My friend found difficulty in speaking their truth to Person B. Sensing a sort of kindred spirit my friend did not wish to inflict anymore pain on Person B than necessary and felt speaking their truth quite possibly might irritate or stir up old hurts and possibly even END their friendship. We know they say, “If they truly love you for who you are, you will be able to tell them the truth – even if it hurts and they won’t walk away“. But given that my friend has had a rough life growing up and only started having positive people come into their life in High School – and even then – still struggled to sort the “Good Apples” from the “Bad Apples” they didn’t wish to lose this friend. So – they did what they felt they had to in order to keep from “rocking the boat” and maintain said friendship in a peaceful manner, even if it meant – not speaking their truth from time to time. However, my friend still feared losing this friendship, which leads to Person A’s introduction into all of this.
When my friend was just getting to know Person A, they still didn’t know them very well. Person B however also knew Person A and warned my friend that perhaps they were not the best of company. My friend took this into consideration, but wanted to maintain still a rather unbiased opinion until further personal investigation. Which is fine, well and good. Person A is where my friend got the “Don’t trust this person – completely,” vibe and well – tried to pay it mind, but my friend still struggles with listening to their intuition.
Some troubles stirred up between my friend and Person B. That’s when my friend made their mistake. They attempted to open up a bit to Person A about the situation because they ALSO knew Person B and perhaps in my friend’s mind – felt that trying to use anonymity would have been a futile effort because Person A would have just figured it out. Regardless, this caused some major problems as Person A and B reconciled a former friendship they had and shared in the knowledge of what my friend shared with them. This – resulted in some very unpleasant things not just for my friend but for all involved.
My friend didn’t realize how badly they had messed up. Hell, they didn’t even realize that they had been lying at all. They felt they had been telling the truth, if not maybe “half-truths” – which is still the truth, just not the whole truth of the matter. Point is – my friend felt pretty devastated and couldn’t believe what they had done or how they could have been so blind in all of this. All they would have done to ensure this did not happen – was speak their truth.
Though my friend is someone who hasn’t known very many honest people in their life, that’s only happened in the last 10 years or so. So yes – their experience makes them a bit bias and jaded, but I know my friend wasn’t trying to use that against anyone involved. I know my friend is honestly a good and decent person deep down and I know they were only trying to do what they felt was right, they just went about it the wrong way is all.
When I was reading The Four Agreements one of the agreements was, “Be impeccable with your word.” The book explains how when we lie – we only hurt ourselves by not being impeccable, honest or truthful with our words from the start. But in today’s world I have seen a great deal of dishonesty. Even if WE are impeccable with our words, there is NO guarantee others will be. Despite this being true – there is an upside. By being impeccable with our words, we have the satisfaction of knowing we did right by those we love & care about and that WE were true to ourselves, even if others choose NOT to be with themselves.
Granted, speaking OUR truth isn’t always an easy task. Not everyone wants to hear, “The ugly truth“. I once saw a quote that said, “Life once asked Death, “Why does everyone love me, but hate you so much?” Death replied, “Because you are a beautiful lie – and I am a painful truth“. Point is – we should NEVER be afraid to speak our truth. Not speaking it only hurts us – and others. Not speaking our truth makes us someone we are NOT. I can tell you – after this experience – my friend wants to be NOW – more than ever – a FAR better person, because they feel they understand their mistakes and WANT to speak their truth – even if it hurts to speak it and feels they also have come to understand what it truly means when one hears the old adage, “If you can’t say something nice. Don’t say anything at all.” Sometimes silence – is the best policy even if you don’t like what’s going on and you can save your energy for better things – and of course, don’t trust anyone your intuition is dead set on you shouldn’t trust completely. My friend is a spiritual being having a human experience – it just so happens – this human experience, made a mistake and they definitely want to make up for what they have done.
I feel this experience has taught my friend a great deal. I imagine it will teach them even more. I can see that it has truly altered the way they perceive things in a BIG way. It taught them the meaning and value of honesty and this friendship they have with Person B. I wish them the best of luck and hope and pray, everything works out for the both of them in the best way possible.
Thank you for reading and a Happy Easter to all.
~Infinite love and gratitude for the highest and greatest good of all, with harm to none, namaste~
- Awakening to Deeper Friendships (awakeningtothedance.com)
- Liar liar, pants on fire (azurepapercranes.wordpress.com)
- What does loyalty in friendship really mean? (examiner.com)
- On Lying (mikebattista.com)
- 20 Things to Start Doing in Your Relationships (jabelah.wordpress.com)
- Fear of Being True to Yourself with Others (cheratomo.wordpress.com)
- Overcome your fears! (discoversuraiya.wordpress.com)