I’m sure many people out there have heard the phrase, “Nice Guys Finish last,” well I don’t believe nor do I subscribe to this belief. I never have and NEVER will. Life to me is what you make it. If you believe you are a Nice Guy and you put belief into such negative mantras, you only hurt yourself. I am confident I have a pretty excellent formula for success and happiness for “The Nice Guy Who Want to Finish First” and I want to share it with you all and if you try it out and you notice improvements in your lifestyle, let me know and if not, tell me what didn’t work. However, give it time. These things don’t just happen overnight. They take time. Also feel free to comment with your thoughts or add some advice of your own if you think it will help as well or you know that it will.
A Nice Guy’s Recipe for Success and Happiness:
1. “Don’t take anything personally” (Ruiz, Don Miguel; The Four Agreements), but also don’t allow yourself to be a doormat (let people walk all over you in other words). This is a very important lesson and one that should be heeded. Just because you are nice, don’t be afraid to show some spine when the circumstance calls for it. You deserve to be respected, loved and appreciated for who you are like anyone else. Do not doubt this.
2. Be Fearless in the pursuit of what you want. If you desire to make something happen (within good reason), go for it! Nothing is going to stop you except YOU! Even if someone LOOKS like they are trying to STOP you, they are an obstacle meant to be overcome.
3. Confidence. Be confident in who you are, “you only have to answer to yourself” (Bring it All Back to You; S Club 7). Just make sure you keep that ego of yours in-check. Sometimes it can get away from us.
4. Take ACTION! If you like someone or WANT something don’t pussy-foot around hoping, praying, waiting that they’ll notice you or talk to you. Be the one to initiate. I know a potential Rejection can be scary, but how will you ever know if you don’t try? Than you’ll be saying, “What if” or “I should have done this,” possibly instead later on. This goes hand-in-hand with number two.
5. Be yourself. Don’t try to pretend to be someone or something you aren’t to please others. When it comes right down to it in the end, you WON’T be happy. You will be absolutely miserable because you are denying WHO you are and acting as though you are ashamed of the person you have become. Don’t do that. Just be you. If someone can’t accept nor appreciate that, know that they don’t deserve you or your friendship.
6. “Be impeccable with your WORD” (Ruiz, Don Miguel; Ruiz Don Jose – The Fifth Agreement), promises, etc. If you aren’t people will doubt your credibility. It also doesn’t look good if you simply don’t DO something you swear up and down you are going to do. I also feel this goes without saying but – for the hell of it, it hurts you as well in the end.
7. Always try your best and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t succeed 100%. It happens. Things happen for a reason, sometimes for better and bigger things to find us. You will see just don’t lose faith. Just keep trying your best everyday.
8. Follow the Golden Rule/Common Courtesy. Not everyone will show it or give it to you. You are BETTER than them if you can actually be kind, courteous and respectful of others, even to the faces of those who mock you. Someone needs to raise the bar though and set the example, be that person! You’re made of stronger stuff, remember that. You’re different for a reason.
9. Be Vigilante.
10. Perseverance! (Probably goes with one of the others but – gotta be sure it’s said and understood)
11. If you’re a lover not a fighter, than FIGHT for what you love if you are going to fight for anything worthwhile at all! Kind of ties in with one of the earlier ones BUT this is for good measure and still an excellent paraphrase of one of my favorite quotes.
12. Patience. If you don’t got it – start cultivating it now. “Patience is a virtue – yet it is not an easiest crop to grow.”
13. Show some Understanding when it is needed or called for.
14. Have some Compassion.
15. If anyone ever says you AREN’T good enough, you ARE! Take what people say with a grain of salt, especially people who don’t even really know you or even like you.
16. Try not to let your Emotions get the better of you, but rather be in-control of THEM. I know most men are raised, and the idea is still perpetuated, that MEN can’t be in-touch with their emotions because it looks weak. It’s not. Believe me. We are all human and we FEEL emotions sometimes VERY strongly. But there is such a time for appropriate “Emotions” and non-appropriate Emotions. Always ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this emotion?”, whether it is anger, sadness or something else. If you don’t have a reasonable answer, then take control. Don’t let THEM control you. Even when people are trying to deliberately coax other reactions out of you. Maintain some control if you can and ACT the way you feel the situation should be handled.
This concludes my list for the moment, until I edit it either at a later date to add-on to it or something else.
I know Good Men are out there. I’ve even heard of the BAD Nice Guys as well. The ones that think just because they are nice to a woman means she should “put-out” for them, ye-ah. Sorry to burst your bubble. That just makes you an a$$. But I am finding I have run into fewer and fewer truly “Nice Guys/Men” out there. You give up too easily and say, “F**K the world” and then women like me wonder where you all went because NOW you’re the a$$ that I wouldn’t want to date.
Thankfully I’ve been fortunate enough to know a HANDFUL of “Nice Guys” in my life and they all vary from personality to personality. They are also ALL still single…except one. It’s not necessarily because they want to be or they’ve ALWAYS been told, “I like you more like a brother,” it has more to do with the fact women also have been “Dropping the Ball” with providing said “Nice Guys/Men” with “Good Women“. This is VERY much a “Two-way street” people. If you stop being true to yourself than those who are meant to find you most likely won’t and probably wouldn’t give you the time of day. You have to be careful with how you handle Life situations that come your way. Otherwise you could very well hurt yourself in the end.
As I was saying though, I know a handful of “Nice Men” and I’m going to tell you a little about why I love four of them. Keep in mind, I’ve known most of them for MANY years. I’m also going to change NAMES. So these aren’t their real names, but they’ll know who they are regardless if they read this later. hah! Also, if you didn’t get mentioned, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore or less. I still adore you regardless if you were mentioned or not (to my male friends who ARE the “Nice Guys/Men”).
First is my friend “Damion“. He is Awesome. There’s no other way I can put it. He’s awesome. He likes to “pretend” he’s a “hard-a$$” or “D**k” often to others and likes to put up a semi-tough guy front. He doesn’t often care what people think about him, except those he decides to keep close. Such as myself. When it comes right down to it though, he has this warm gooey, sweet, cuddly center. He’s my big “Wolf”. He is rather laid-back, understanding, an excellent listener and thoughtful gift giver (those are hard to find, trust me. I mean the thoughtful gift I’m actually going to LIKE. He pays attention). Another awesome quality about him – he loves to listen to me when I’m talking about the things I’m MOST passionate about. I don’t know many people who have ever told me that. He’s one of the few and it’s something I adore about him. He’s also open-minded, another thing I love.
Second is my friend, “Alaric“. He and I are about as “thick as thieves“. I can’t tell you how often people say we should just date or get married. My opinion? We are far more like siblings with the way we goof around. He’s a good man. He has a strong sense of honor and feels a fierce connection to the ideals of the Samurai. He is caring, compassionate (which sometimes gets him in trouble), and understanding. If he ever has kids, he’d make a wonderful Dad, despite how much I know he supposedly loathes the idea. Wait till you meet the right one. I think you’ll change your tune. He values his friends and family and feels akin to the Wolf. He can be goofy but he’s fun and knows when to be serious. He is truly a VERY honorable and decent young man. Another thoughtful gift giver as well.
Thirdly is my friend, “Ruben“. Ruben I find difficult to properly describe. He’s another one of these “Nice Guy/Man but I’m a D**k” types. I’d describe him as calm, cool, collected, understanding, tolerant if not patient at best. He is also rather compassionate when the appropriate circumstances arise. He’s very reasonable even-tempered in my book. I often just simply enjoy his company because he has a positive, calming aura. Doesn’t hurt he’s intelligent as well (not saying any of the others I mentioned aren’t intelligent either. I don’t hang out with stupid men. Thanks). He’s just fun to talk to and be around. He makes me calm and feel at peace, even if he frustrates me at times but not for long. We have a lot of fun regardless. He is definitely a fun person to be around or with.
I have to be honest – how he is still single, I’ll never fraggin know or understand. In my book – he shouldn’t be. Someone is TOTALLY missing out on this man. All of the one’s I mentioned in fact and all the ones I know as a whole.
Finally my friend “Fox“. Fox is a passionate and rather outspoken kind of young Man. When he typically KNOWS something is wrong, he speaks his mind about it through his blog or directly to the source. Although, sometimes he bites his tongue (uses his tact) and rants about it later at home or calls me about it. heh Which I don’t mind listening since I love the sound of his voice. He’s another one of these “Nice D**ks”. Where if you do something to show a lack of respect toward his friends, family or himself – he’s got no problem letting you HAVE it – through an intelligent verbal beat-down, much like Damion, or physical means if the situations calls for it. He is sweet – but sometimes I think he takes his “D**kishness” a bit too far. He’s gotten close to reaching my threshold of tolerance a few times. But he also seems smart enough to know when to pull back. Another thing I love about him. He’s also a thoughtful “Gift-er” and Cuddler. Least he loves to cuddle me as though I were a giant plushie.
As a final thought, some of you might be wondering why I haven’t dated these guys myself. To be honest, all these men as a whole have everything I’m looking for in the man that I’d seek as a partner, but as you know – you can’t FORCE love. It is something in my book and experience that must occur naturally. I’ve also been going through some tribulation which has rendered it difficult for me to determine what my “heart” is feeling. The last thing I’d want to do is deny someone I admire and care for deeply is the potential for a healthy, long-lasting, fulfilling relationship with someone who could possibly make them far happier than “I” ever could or otherwise.
I’m not saying it’s not possible for me to fall for any of these GREAT men I know, but it hasn’t happened JUST yet. Sometimes though, love can hit you like a TON of bricks. Maybe that’s how it’s going to be like for me next. Would be amusing.
As a CMA thing I’d like to add, I’m not trying to tell you HOW to live your life, I’m simply trying to offer some decent advice. You can take it or leave it. It’s your free-will and you can do with it as you please. Listen or don’t but take it with a grain of salt.
Thanks for reading folks!
~Blessings, good fortune and more be yours, Namaste~
- Why Nice Guys Can Finish First (my.psychologytoday.com)
- The Not-So-Nice “Nice Guys” Of Online Dating (buzzfeed.com)
- When Nice Guys Finish First (preview) (scientificamerican.com)
- Why Nice Guys Can Finish First (psychologytoday.com)
- Should We Raise Our Daughters To Be Nice? (shambolicliving.com)
- Rethinking “Nice” (grownupmom.wordpress.com)
- Douchebags get the girl, nice guys keep them. (magicofspeech.wordpress.com)
- The Nice Guy (clueless88.wordpress.com)